Day 4: Thursday, August 20
It’s 5:20 am and I’m huddled in my sleeping bag inside my tent sipping coffee and soaking my oatmeal with dried raspberries. It’s still too cold to be outside. It was a chilly night but I stayed warm inside my bag with just my base layer and beanie. My guess is it’s about 40 degrees out now, even though the tiny key chain thermometer I picked up at the last minute while standing in line at REI says 48 – I don’t believe it.
For the brief time I was outside to retrieve my bear can and stove I noticed the last of the nighttime stars earnestly fighting to keep their place in the morning sky against the imperious rising Sun. I was relieved to see them – that’s a good sign it’ll be a smoke free morning. I thought about hurrying and hiking in the dark to get an early ascent on Whitney but I hear coyotes howling and the trail to Guitar Lake is in the woods. Dawn is not a time I want to be alone in woods. Starting my day as prey to pack of wild hunters is not how I envisioned my 4th day on the trail going for me.
The Starbucks Via’s bold French Roast flavor and jolt of caffeine are warming my insides and waking me up. I’m preparing my backpack for the day’s climb, tightening all the straps to make it smaller and more compact and filling it with what I’ll need for the day: Mary’s multi seed crackers and Justin’s Almond Butter for lunch, a couple of Lara Bars, Gorp, Orange Stinger Energy Chews and Nuun tablets for electrolytes and flavor. I’m also packing my rain jacket and pants, headlamp, first aid kit, Swiss Army knife, SPOT, phone, journal, map, and my Tyvek ground sheet. I’ll wear my down jacket since it’s still cool. I think that should give me all I need for the day and in case I fall off a cliff and need to survive a couple days before Search and Rescue finds me….
7:30 am at Guitar Lake
Where the hell is Guitar Lake? I’ve done at least 3 miles, I should be there by now. I was growing impatient that the trail seemed longer than I thought it should have been. But I quickly forgot my frustration as I hiked out of the tree line and into the land of majestic granite mountains and peaks jutting toward the sky. I strained my eyes – and my neck – to find the peak I’d be conquering. Honesty I had no idea what I was looking for. This is where I usually regret my lack of attention to detail and planning. It would’ve been nice to know what Mt. Whitney actually looked like. I expected to see one giant peak rising high above the rest, but that wasn’t the case. Everything around me was giant! All I knew was there are jagged ridges and a hut somewhere near the top, but from my angle I couldn’t distinguish Mt. Whitney from anything else in the vast range that lay before me.
As I continued up toward the expansive granite sierras I was still searching for the elusive Guitar Lake. Another small hill to climb. Please let Guitar Lake be on the other side of this ridge. I reached the top of the hill and breathed a sigh of relief: there it was. I was looking straight down on a guitar shaped lake. A wave of emotion swept over me as I froze in my tracks. I was awe-struck. Tears flooded my eyes and my jaw quivered. I can’t begin to describe everything I was feeling standing atop the little ridge at 11,460’ overlooking Guitar Lake. A jumble of happiness, peace, pride, accomplishment and even a little sadness swirled deep inside me while my mind quickly took inventory of all I’d been through and overcome to get me to this very spot: standing alone on the John Muir Trail overlooking Guitar Lake at the foot of Mt. Whitney. My eyes devoured the scene before me and I reveled in my aloneness: a tiny speck amidst nature’s enormous beauty. Standing in the silent and crisp morning air as the sun’s orange glow illuminated the gray-white peaks to the West. I’ve reached another milestone. I am at the famous Guitar Lake. The very place so many of my hiking heroes visited and wrote about. My heroes- all those people who seemed bigger than life doing things that “people like me” don’t do. And yet here I am. Doing it.
I took my first break to shed my down jacket and have a snack before heading up. I plopped down on a big rock above the lake writing, nibbling on a peanut butter Lara Bar, sipping Nuun infused fizzy water from my Nalgene, and gazing upon the very same Guitar Lake about to summit the very same Mt. Whitney that before today had only been places I fantasized about. I let it sink in. I’m here! Pretty surreal.
Shit got real about a half mile above Guitar Lake: right on cue, at 12,000’. I became lightheaded and even a little disoriented as my brain sluggishly tried to function normally. My legs felt like oversized granite boulders that instead of doing their job and carrying me to my goal, had to exhaustingly be lugged along. The thin air felt like a giant invisible hand reaching out of the sky and wrapping its greedy little fingers around my lungs squeezing the oxygen from every cell in my body. Suddenly a climb that felt challenging felt almost impossible. My already slow progress halted to a crawl as I began the slow ascent up what seemed like a million and one switchbacks to the top of the highest mountain in the lower forty eight.
So this is what all the fuss is about! This is why people turn back (usually at 12,000’!). I pushed on, going slower than a sunrise on a frigid morning. It was frustrating, but it was either go slow or not at all. And I’d made up my mind: Unless I’m puking my guts out or so dizzy I can’t stand up by myself I am NOT turning back so just keep moving forward, this isn’t a race. I have all day… One foot in front of the other. You got this. My supportive inner voice was wide awake and doing her best to coach me through as I battled every impatient cell in my body that ached to go as fast as possible and be done with it. Slow down. This isn’t a race. Take your time.
I had to stop and catch my breath after every few steps (literally, like 5 steps). After doing this for who knows how long, I’d sit and take a real break to drink some water and eat a snack which would energize and invigorate me. Feeling refreshed I’d leap up and forge ahead all Gung-Ho again. I quickly learned there is no Gung-Ho above 12000 feet. Each time, the thin air would immediately zap the Gung-Ho right out of me. And literally within 10 seconds every muscle in my legs was spent and I couldn’t breathe again. My stubborn and impatient “fuck it, just push through as fast as possible” self was defeated. I began to accept that wasn’t going to work on this one. As soon as I tried to pick up the pace Mother Nature’s invisible hand pushed against my chest holding me in place despite my earnest attempts to hike forward. I could hear her admonishment reverberate through my brain, “this is not your mountain, it’s mine. And if you want it, you will do it my way!”
Fuck! Ok Mountain you win.
Baby steps…Left foot. Right foot…Just take baby steps. Baby. Steps. Right. Left. Tiny little steps. Step. Step. Step. Just 6 inches at a time. No big steps…
And for the next 3 ½ miles and 3000 feet up I was forced to give in to the mountain, dragging my heavy legs one tiny baby step at a time. Repeating to myself over and over and over again: baby steps, breathe, and don’t look up. Nothing matters but the 2 feet of trail right in front of me. Baby steps: left… right…. left…. right…breathe….
After a little while I entered an almost peaceful Zen-like state. My mantra pulsed through me, pushing the pain and the exhaustion and every other thought out of my brain. Left. Right. Left foot. Right foot. Left…..Just a tiny step. Just worry about the 2 feet of ground in front of you, don’t look up. Just another 6 inches – left… right…..left… breathe…
Omg this is so hard. Why are my legs so heavy? FOCUS: Breathe. In and out, in and out. Right foot…. Left foot….. Right… Left…. Right…
My impatient self was not digging this baby- step shit at all. Frustrated with my snail’s pace and anxious to be done with this sadistic mountain I’d lift my head and sneak a peek at more than 2 feet of the trail in front of me, totally killing my moments of Zen. How much further is it? Am I there yet? FU-UCK! Am I moving backwards??? Ohmygod. I’m going backwards!!! The next switchback is actually farther away! Am I walking so slow that I’m actually going backward??? Oh my god I’m in hell. FOCUS. Baby step. Baby step. 2 feet in front. Breathe. In and out. In and out. Breathe. Left….right…. Leeeeftt… riiiiight….
And so my Mt. Whitney assent went: climbing up and up and up, dragging my heavy legs, looking no more than 2 feet ahead and moving no more than 6” at a time. As much as I wanted to rush and have it be over with the mountain demanded: “if you want me you have to earn me…MY way!”
Every once in a while I’d break my 2 foot rule and lift my head to soak in the jaw-dropping views surrounding me. I’d gaze yearningly at the crystal blue tarns below, teasing me with their serene and inviting waters. I’d pass the time fantasizing about diving off the side of the hellish mountain directly into their crisp sapphire waters, washing the salty sweat mixed with zinc oxide and dirty grime off my exhausted body. How I wished I could plunge into the pure high Sierra holy water and cleanse myself of this brutal and unforgiving mountain. Later. I’ll jump in later. I promised myself a refreshing dip in one of the tarns on the way out as my reward. But now. I must. Climb. Baby steps. Breathe. The earth 2 feet in front of me is all that matters – don’t look ahead. Just keep moving these leaden boulder legs up this mountain. 2” at time.
The mountain whispered in my ear, “If you want me you have to earn me. If you want me, you have to earn me. If you want me, earn me.”
There I was at nearly 14,000 feet, totally exposed, on a trail carved out of the edge of a vast granite mountain, succumbing to Mother Nature. Understanding that if I wanted to reach the summit, I’d have to do it her way. Woman vs. Nature. My will to get it done fast versus her will to make me honor the challenge of conquering her. She demanded my respect: “If you want me, you have to earn me.” I had a sudden and stark realization: I could learn a lot from this mountain. And up I went, one tiny baby step at a time.
11:30 am: The summit of Mt Whiney.
I’m here! I made it!! (Not everyone did, I passed several people on the trail who turned back before reaching the top- many half my age! This was no joke.)
The last leg of the climb seemed to have no end… The summit hid from view on the other side of a huge field of broken rock with a narrow and harrowing trail blasted into the side of the mountain. You can’t see the summit until you’re just a few hundred feet away – and before that you just climb and scramble, and climb and scramble- hoping you don’t get a bout of dizziness and tumble 4000 feet down the steep western slope of the mountain.
I’d caught sight of the hut at one point and then lost it again. Where is that damn hut? And finally about midway up a humongous 45 degree rock slope I felt I was close. And when I finally reached the last 1/8 mile of the trail and spotted the tiny rock hut sitting amidst giant pieces of broken mountain. , I cried from sheer exhaustion, relief and immense pride. Another milestone. I’m here! On top of the tallest mountain in the continental US. I made it!!! Holy shit, I made it!
52 comments on “Day 4 – Climbing Mt. Whitney”
@Carolyn, I’m enjoying your blog. I am a 57-yr-old woman, preparing a NOBO JMT hike, departing Cottonwood Lakes Sept 15…never done anything like this before. Any/all add’l input you can offer would be appreciated. TIA
You are an amazing writer and especially an amazing woman/hiker/adventurer/nomads. I’m loving your adventure. When I lived in Colorado I hiked portions of the Colorado Trail which is fantastic.
Your blog is amazing and so are you! Thank you for being so “real” in the sharing of your experiences. You make this old(ish) woman less afraid to reach farther than she thinks she can go. 🙂
Thank you so much Robin!! I love reading that you’re inspired to get out and live your dreams too!
Tonight I read your trip from Horseshoe Meadows to Whitney. I did it with my father-in-law, Henry, in 1980 and it was awesome. It was something we always reminisced about over the years until he passed away two Decembers ago. On our descent we met Hulda Crooks, someone I’m sure you’ll find to be an inspiration. She was in her 80s, full pack and 18th ascent in 18 years.One of the Whitney spires is named for her. I created a page of our itinerary for Henry and included a Google Earth flight of the hike. It’s a 3-D flight that runs about 40 minutes and brings back many wonderful and vivid memories. And there are no coyotes … http://tinyurl.com/kjr3v47
Looking forward to reading the rest of your journey, one I’ve always wanted to make.
Thank you Jay for reading and sharing your story.. I appreciate the kind words and hope you get to complete the journey some day.
Yeah, I’m here reading this at 3 am. This is rich! I could see and feel this journey. I’ve driven 395 many times staring up at the formidable Mt. Whitney and thus far have camped a very safe distance and elevation from her. One day I hope to be looking down from her seeing if I’m made of anything akin to you. Breathtaking story and writing, Carolyn!
Carolyn I am enjoying your journey. I am planning a NOBO same as you but ending at devils postpile. What did you do with the remainder of your gear and food during your day trip up Whitney? I am reluctant to leave expensive equipment and gear behind for an entire day. I am interested to hear what others have successfully done. Thanks.
Wade – don’t worry about leaving your gear – everyone hikes in and no one wants to carry out the extra weight! good luck! 🙂 – C
My husband and brother just embarked TODAY on the JMT at VVR, NOBO. I’m so thoroughly enjoying your blog. Not that they are hiking from your same starting point, but just reading your blog helps me visualize what they might be feeling and seeing. Beyond that, I’m thoroughly enjoying your experience from the “being Carolyn” standpoint. Like other readers, I’m so proud of and happy for you. How incredible to have the courage to take this journey on your own. You’re simply a bad a$$ in my mind! I can’t wait to read the rest of the chapters. And, lastly, love your writing style Carloyn!
Hi again! I’m glad my experience is helping you understand/experience your brother and husband’s hikes. I wish them the best on their adventure. It sure is such an awesome experience. Your kind words inspire me.. thank you! – Carolyn
Well done! Got my heart rate going. I’m hiking the JMT next year. Kept thinking, “Oh shit, oh shit, it’s got to be easier actually on the trail. Hiking is always tougher reading about it on a couch.
Actually not sure that was my experience. Before leaving for the JMT I told everyone, “I know this is going to be so much harder than I can imagine.” The reality: it was even harder! But for me, the harder the challenge, the more rewarding! Glad you enjoyed the tale! 🙂 Happy hiking. – Carolyn
Way to go!!!!!!!
I learned a lot about you.
Excellent writer, determination, fit, motivator and cusser (lol)
You should be very proud of yourself on all counts.
Wow, what a surprise! Thank you for reading my blog and for the kind encouraging words. I appreciate it very much. I hope you’re well! – Carolyn
Please don’t leave anything out! Publish it all! I re-read every paragraph trying to imagine being in your hiking boots, fighting that nagging little voice saying “it’s ok to turn back now. You’ve gone far enough. It’s too hard”. Your words really capture the intense power our minds have to push forward when every fiber of your being is screaming to give up. What an accomplishment! Congratulations! I cant wait for the next installment.
Thank you very much Rhea! I’m thrilled that you’re enjoying reading it! There is much more to come! I can’t believe I’m only on Day 4! Happy Trails- Carolyn
I ditto Skye’s remarks and the person who said they felt they were right there with you (minus the heart rate and altitude sickness). You write wonderfully, with a tremendous heart. You are very inspiring, Carolyn.
Kathy, It’s so fun to see a familiar name on my comments! Thank you very much for subscribing and reading my blogs! I so appreciate your kind words and encouragement. Thank you! – Carolyn
Hi Carolyn! You’re reminding me of how glad I was that we didn’t camp at Guitar Lake. Great place to visit, not so good to camp unless you like living in a fishbowl with a hundred or so close friends. Plus I couldn’t imagine pooping in one of those bags the park service hands out and then carrying it around with me in my pack! Ugh! Great blog by the way!
Lee – I know, even though there was no one there on my way up, coming back was a completely different story (as you know- you were there!). I am very happy with how I did it, staying at Crabtree was nice. Glad you’re reading, stay tuned, soon in introduce my 4 buddies from Arkansas! :-0) Thanks for the comment! – Carolyn
Oh wow! I am So PROUD of YOU!! I know, we don’t know each other, but your ascent of Whitney is gorgeous in it’s humility, mind over matter, woman power, middle AGE power!! Good for you and thank you for sharing. I love the mantra… and admire the will power. Hats off sister!
SkyE – You made my day – maybe even my month! 🙂 I really don’t even know how to respond– I’m flattered, honored and absolutely beside myself that you got so much out of my writing. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. – Carolyn
I’m tentatively slated to do the JMT in 2017. I really enjoyed this post and I LOVE your writing style. KUTGW…
Jason – THANK YOU!!!! Good luck, I hope you get to do the JMT. It’s such an awesome adventure… Take care of those achy bones. :-0) Happy Trails!- Carolyn
That captures that brain-dead feeling of hypoxia and exhaustion nicely! Peace out.
You taught me a new word today (hypoxia). Thank you! 🙂 Glad you enjoyed reading about my hypoxian moments :-p
I’ll be repeating your mantra when I give it my go this summer. Loved reading this. I will earn it.
Best of luck to you on your adventure. I’d love to hear about it! have a great time !
Thank you so much for sharing your summit with us, you have such a way with words that I felt I was right there with you, minus the heart rate LOL, congradulations, we only made it to Crabtree from Horseshoe as my sister at 74 was having breathing and heart issues, but she is planning again this year for her 75th bday on Whitney!! Your encouraging words will Im sure help her on her way!! Thanks again!
Thank you Joni! I wish you and your sister the best of luck on hike this year! What an inspiration your sister is. I hope to still be doing this at her age!
Well done to you Carolyn. A huge achievement and one that you must be very proud of. I’m reading another blog at the moment about the Via de la Plata in Spain which I hope to do in the summer. It’s factual and uninteresting. I love reading yours. It’s a fantastic story and told in such a way that immerses me in your journey. I look forward to the next post. Well done again.
Brian, I was telling a friend the other day that writing about and sharing my journey is allowing me to be a little more objective. I am finally starting to really “get” I did and feel proud for having done it. The encouragement and kind comments I receive (like yours) are what keep me writing. So thank you once again for not only taking the time to read, but for leaving your comment. I truly appreciate that! 🙂 😉 🙂 – Carolyn
The two times I’ve come up Whitney from the west, I’ve always thought that bit from Crabtree to Guitar Lake seemed inordinately long. Last time I did it (2010), it was at the end of a High Sierra Trail trip, and I was really hot and tired and grumpy, but Guitar Lake was our destination. It made for a nice swim once we got there. It is a little overly crowded, but also a really spectacular place to camp.
David, I’m debating about publishing my experience coming down from Whitney, which is where I experienced an insanely crowded Guitar Lake. I was grateful I didn’t camp there, although it is undeniable a beautiful place. Congrats to you on your summits! – Carolyn
Way to listen to the mountain!!! We anxiously awaited your blog about the summit experience. I often say backpacking and climbing is all walking and a special mindset of determination. We look forward to your next blog. Great job reaching the peak of Mt Whitney!!!!????
Arda, Thank you! I love that quote from Edmund Hillary I put on the page – “It’s not the Mountain we conquer, but ourselves”. So much of backpacking, hiking, climbing, running (I ran a half marathon once and THAT was an insane test of will!), and many other things are really about pushing past our brain talk and just doing it. I think stubbornness goes a long way in these situations, don’t you? 🙂 Thank you very much for your post. I appreciate you continuing to read about my journey! 🙂 Happy Trails!! – Carolyn
Excellent Carolyn! Thanks for sharing with us.
Shelly – thank you very much! Glad you enjoyed it! 🙂 – Carolyn
Interesting how our brain doesn’t always reconcile with our legs and lungs. The brain says “What’s the problem? We were moving faster than this just yesterday!” and the legs are saying “Oxygen! We need more oxygen! Why are you doing this to us?”
Scott, Yeah, it’s amazing. Trying to reconcile what our body and brain want is half the challenge of doing so many things! Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
Delightful to read this ….brings back memories vividly….thank YOU !!
Roger, Thank YOU for reading. It’s people like you who read and take the time to comment that motivate me to keep writing and re-living this awesome adventure.
FANTASTIC*** GIRL**AWESOME** Thank s for sharing** I want to this late summer*** KUDOS
Sher, Thank you! Glad you enjoyed reading it. What a day! I wish you the best of luck on your adventures!